Authentic Conversations: Keeping it Real

I have attended and led my fair share of training sessions and workshops. Quite often, as facilitators and practitioners, we lead conversations and group exercises that have us role-play into a character or situation. It is a way to stretch and practice.

We are given worksheets, instructions and partners to practice and learn.

In this moment, I wonder: How can our conversations be authentic when we role-play?

Let’s hold that question for a moment.

I now notice an inner dance among my three intellects, my heart, head and gut. Each represent a different and not always congruent role and perspective. And, what’s common in this dance is a keen desire to connect to what’s most important, to what truly matters.

As I notice this dance, I hear a phrase in my head: “Cut to the chase”. I’ve been hearing this phrase a lot lately. Satisfying my curiousity to its origins, I googled the phrase. The origin is in the silent film era when action sequences, the chase, drew more audience appeal and attention. In modern vernacular, the phrase means: Get to the point. I know that within me, when we cut to the chase and get to the point, I am better able to focus and be attentive.

I hold that phrase to my heart and feel an emotion that I can best describe as eager, bordering on anxious. It’s a fine line.

I turn the phrase to my gut and I notice, actually feel, my left eyebrow lift and my eyes open wider in interest and increased attention. Just in the noticing of a physical reaction has me reflect within and notice the signals in and around me.

Each of these sensations, as I notice them, trigger feelings, images, memories, values, thoughts – all at the same time. That’s a lot to sort through in a given moment, in addition to the external events – what we notice, hear, see around us – drawing our attention!

Co-Authors Marvin Oka & Grant Soosalu in “Using your Multiple Brains to do Cool Stuff” say:

“If someone is dealing with real life issues, what they’ll ultimately be dealing with are issues of alignment or integration of identity, safety, boundaries, meaning, courage, action, connection and values. These are all functions of our three (head, heart, gut) brains.”

With all these reflections in mind, I acknowledge a great deal of learning from the training sessions when we practice and role-play a new set of tools, techniques and methodologies. Through the practice, we are afforded the opportunity to draw a parallel to a previous or pending event that either aligns or doesn’t align with our identity, values, meaning, connection and so on.

I’ve noticed that when I associate role-play with a genuine event, I am better able to integrate what my head, heart and gut signals to me. With the intention to reflect within, I have learned to approach both a role-play and a real conversation, with present moment awareness.

The greatest learning for me is in the practice of scanning my thoughts, feelings and instincts in the seconds before responding. It is as though there is a role played by my head, my heart and my gut instincts. It is a constant practice for me. I’ve noticed, it is a practice for anyone seeking to have authentic conversations.

So, going back to my question: “How can our conversations be authentic when we role-play?”

I believe keeping it real, genuine, is vital in today’s cluttered world. A role-play, whether in training, coaching or a private moment, allows us to safely practice responding to outside and inside stimuli. Feelings of vulnerability, previously suppressed, rise to the surface and are given voice. Strength of conviction is given front stage to be expressed and heard. Creativity is given free reign to be discovered, explored and realized. With full integration of head-heart-gut, the full spectrum of our roles, voices and perspectives are more fully occupied and practiced.

Gregory Bateson, English anthropologist, cyberneticist, social scientist, linguist said: “Knowledge comes from but a single perspective; wisdom comes from multiple perspectives.”

It takes courage to keep it real. It also takes the authentic self-expression that comes from multiple perspectives through tapping our three intellects – head, heart and gut – to bring deepening relationships, expanded wisdom and ultimately, authenticity.

With vulnerability, strength of conviction and creativity expressed, the world is open for deepening, authentic and real conversations.